i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
