I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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