I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
