I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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