Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
