I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
