Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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