You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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