How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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