I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Come share oat with me in your robe
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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