Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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