Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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