The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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