Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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