It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
