He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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