so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
