bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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