I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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