Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
