My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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