Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
