Kiss
Puke
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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