I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
