ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
