when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
