Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
