i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
