I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
