You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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