I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
