He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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