We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
