Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
