i need an iv and a liver transplant
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
