Yo dont text me then not text me
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
