she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
