Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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