and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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