PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
