Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
