Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
