Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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