She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
