Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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