I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
