Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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