How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
