I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
