Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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