hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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